"When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."
US Naval Academy, Class of 1928, Annapolis
My colleague and friend, Sarah Byam, recently relayed a story in which
her car overheated and slowed to a crawl on the freeway. As she navigated to a safe stop, she
asked her passenger for 10 minutes so she could meditate and then come up with a plan.
“Thank you,” her passenger replied in relief, “for not getting
hysterical.”
I was struck by this comment as I thought about how many of us respond to
the unexpected and how we assume others will as well.
And while the heat of Summer brings with it many opportunities for fun, it also brings potential malfunctions, frustration and inconvenience. Refrigerators, air conditioners, computers, and of course, cars don’t like hot and humid conditions anymore than humans do.
The heat also seems to bring out the fear, impatience and anger in most people. And things that may have been slightly annoying in cooler weather can sometimes escalate into full-blown drama when the temperature rises.
How many of us become Chicken Little when something goes awry?
Even with planning and organization, there's no guarantee that everything will run smoothly.
So when something hits you without warning, which do you do first: escalate or breathe?
Fretting, worrying and running around like CL does nothing to solve our problems and it definitely doesn't bring more love into our lives.
And agitating those around us with cries of, "The sky is falling!," particularly when it actually ISN'T, will only further upset everyone within earshot.
In those moments, we can’t be helpful to ourselves or others and we can’t think of anything but our own upset, which tends to feed on itself.
And agitating those around us with cries of, "The sky is falling!," particularly when it actually ISN'T, will only further upset everyone within earshot.
In those moments, we can’t be helpful to ourselves or others and we can’t think of anything but our own upset, which tends to feed on itself.
So what are the best strategies for navigating the desire to “scream and
shout?”
Planning. Reflecting and responding. Asking for help.
If you can’t plan in advance, take a few minutes to calm yourself when the unexpected occurs and then plan for the most appropriate action for the next moment.
If you can’t plan in advance, take a few minutes to calm yourself when the unexpected occurs and then plan for the most appropriate action for the next moment.
You may be afraid to ask for help, fearing someone's negative judgment. And what if you ask for help and they say no?
See the fear of asking for what it is -- a way to protect yourself in a vulnerable moment when you already feel out of control.
Take a minute to relax.
Recognize that whatever is troubling you is just the next thing that needs your attention, so you can move forward.
A panicked drowning person will kill a life guard and themselves by hysterically holding on too tight.
While it may seem counter-intuitive, open yourself up to the experience, rise to your best, most gracious place inside, and do what's next.
A panicked drowning person will kill a life guard and themselves by hysterically holding on too tight.
While it may seem counter-intuitive, open yourself up to the experience, rise to your best, most gracious place inside, and do what's next.
While looking for blame is not so useful, see if there's a chance to offer a little compassion or forgiveness if an error in judgment was responsible for the current situation. Was that person you? Even more so, forgive yourself and let it
go.
The sarcastic quip quoted above was a provocative take on an old naval code which kept ships at sea from
colliding:
“When in danger or in doubt, port your helm and come about.”
When approaching oncoming traffic at sea, if everyone turns to port, no
one collides. It’s a good metaphor for keeping your head calm on sea or land.
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Could you please tell me where to downnload the lists you mention in the audiobook? Thank you, Marcella in Holland
ReplyDeleteJust a piece of trivia. If you "port your helm", you turn the ship to starboard (right), not to port (left). But the point is the same, everyone turns in the same direction... unless they misunderstood the orders.
ReplyDelete